Dating CHOOSING WHOM TO MARRY… things to circumvent
[adsense]
CHOOSING WHOM TO MARRY WITHOUT REGRETS ( THINGS TO PREVENT AND ACTIVITIES)
By Pius E. Achonu (Bro. One-Way) E-mail: achonu57@yahoo.com, Mobile Phone: (24) 88767445.
OTHER BOOKS BY THE SAME AUTHOR: • Rapture • Pray This Way • Secrets of Money • Seven Steps to Success • Success Ideas • Think Right to Live Right • Wisdom Bank • Bible Facts And Quiz • Lovers’ Tonic • Pepper-Soup of Love • A technique Bible Promises
PART ONE: THINGS TO AVOID By Pius E. Achonu
LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT
You must love and appreciate the person you are to marry, very important! But you must be sure you are not being carried away by beauty and wealth. A lot of people rush into marriage relationship by mere love-at-first-sight. If you marry a girl because of her beauty alone, supposing her looks fade tomorrow, what will you do? If you marry a man because of his money alone, what will happen if you discover tomorrow that the money is no longer flowing? True marriage should be built on true love rather than things. One adage says: “You don’t love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her” Now, read Proverbs :.
2 IMMATURITY
Most marriages fail mainly because many people go into marriage without being mentally matured. Marriage is not for babies. If you rush into marriage when you are not matured in age or in understanding, you may rush out of it. “Someone who made such terrible mistake had this to say; After I got married at 8, I found out that the thrill of sex wears off very soon and then we started having real problems”. What then is the ideal age? Well, I will suggest 2+ for girls and + for men. But note: Some people get matured early enough. To know whether you are matured enough to enter into marriage, your answer must be yes to each of the following questions: . Am I truly ready to face the problems that go with marriage? 2. Am I ready financially? . Do I really love this fellow for a lasting union? 4. Am I sure I am not being carried away by “love-at-first-sight”? 5. Am I really ready to endure my spouse’s short-comings? 6. Can this love stand the test of time?
THE UNGODLY (UNBELIEVER)
To have a true, lasting and successful marriage, you must be a child of God. God instituted marriage in the Garden of Eden for the enjoyment of his children. See Gen. 2:2-25. Avoid marrying an unbeliever for the Bible says in II Cor. 6:4: “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers… for what communication hath light with darkness…” An unbeliever is one who doesn’t have the fear of God in his or her heart! You reading this may be an unbeliever, even though you may not admit it. You can obtain mercy today, (Read I Tim. 
.
4 TOWNSHIP LOVE
Most people who live in the cities go into marriage relationship without trying to find out the background of the person they are trying to marry. To avoid future regrets, try to find out his or her origin – their customs, cultural backgrounds, etc. You must visit your spouse’s home-town to be sure you are okay with what you will see, because his or her people will automatically be your people also. And pray that his or her people will accept your person and love you, if not you may face many battles. Be wise! Again, it is advisable to marry a person of same language, origin, culture and belief, so as to enjoy a harmonious relationship. Abraham wisely instructed his servant to get a wife for his son Isaac “from his own people” (See Gen. 24:4). Unless you are very sure that God is leading you into a cross-cultural marriage, never you dabble into it. Be warned!
5 VISIONS AND DREAMS ALONE
Even though God can show you whom to marry in a vision or dream, but most a time He wants people to make their choices. The Bible says in Prov. 8:22: “whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing…” You must do the “finding” yourself. Many homes are crashing today because, they entered into marriage by dreams and visions alone without taking time to find out whether they truly love the person. First, you must pray before you make a move, and then trust God as you make a choice God will surely direct you. Amen!!!
6 THROWING OF DICE
Doing ‘try your luck’ or ‘throwing of dice’ in choosing your marriage partner is not only wrong, it is dangerous. You must make the choice based on love and conviction. For example, I know of a girl who prayed and said to God; “Oh God, out of these men on my way, the first to visit me today, I will know he is your will for me. And soon, one of them visited and she concluded that she had finally discovered her ideal man. They eventually got married but guess what! She regretted at last because the marriage wasn’t a successful one after all. But it was too late. Again, don’t go into a marriage based on other people’s ideas, visions and dreams, even if the person is your pastor. Sometimes even men of God can be wrong! I warn you!
7 PRE-MARITAL SEX
It is common these days that some men will never take their spouse to the altar unless she becomes pregnant. Pre-marital sex is wrong and should not be encouraged at all. The Bible says in Heb. :4: “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whore-mongers and adulterers God will judge”. That you have agreed to marry each other is not a licence to go into sex before marriage. If you lick your soup before it is done, you won’t value it again when the real time comes. Hold yourself! May God grant you the grace. It is not easy as a youth, but with prayers and some carefulness, you can overcome! Say Amen!
8 BAD ADVISERS
Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel (advice)of the ungodly…” Ps. : To seek for advice is good but be sure that the person you are consulting is “god-fearing” and honest. Bad advisers can ruin your marriage relationship. Are you sure the person advising you has an ideal marriage himself? If not run away. “It is better to walk without advice than to collect bad advice”.
9 FINANCIAL INSECURITY
If you are a man and you are not yet established in business, don’t go into marriage even if you are 4 years plus. If you are not gainfully employed, don’t go into marriage. Read I Tim. 5:8. Women need financial security. It is not necessary that you must be wealthy, No! but you must be financially independent. If you depend on others, or even your wife to feed you, you are not a man but a boy! Though I know of a pastor who went into marriage with “nothing”, but they are doing fine today, I still maintain that it is not advisable to follow his example. You must be financially independent. Period! But note: Never buy him/her over with gifts. Never you try to steal the person’s heart with gifts. Some people, when they see a person to marry, they go into wasteful spending, and if the person happens to disappoint them tomorrow, they cry their hearts out. And some people would even demand back from the person what they spent. It is wrong! Be very cautious on how you spend on the person you are to marry. I am not saying you should avoid gifts completely. After all, giving is one of the evidences of true love. But you must be cautious! Too much of everything is too bad. Give only when it is necessary.
DIFFERENT CONFLICTING RELIGIONS
Never you go into marriage relationship with a person of conflicting religious belief with yours – unless you have converted the person to your religion. Marriage is for life! And when it comes to faith and religious beliefs, a lot of people can be fanatical – they can even kill to defend their faith. It is always advisable to marry a person of the same faith so that both of you can serve God together in harmony. For example, if a Moslem marries a Christian, what do you think will be the outcome? Your guess is as correct as mine! If he/she disagrees with your religious belief, you better not go into marriage relationship. I am not trying to promote religious intolerance, but common sense is better than blind sense!
PART TWO: GUEST ARTICLE WAYS TO MARRY THE WRONG PERSON
You pick the wrong person because you expect him or her to change after you’re married. The classic mistake. Never marry potential. The golden rule is, if you can’t be happy with the person the way he or she is now, don’t get married. As a colleague of mine so wisely put it, “You actually can expect people to change after they’re married… for the worst!” So when it comes to the other person’s spirituality, character, personal hygiene, communication skills, and personal habits, make sure you can live with these as they are now.
2. You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than on character. Chemistry ignites the fire, but good character keeps it burning. Beware of the “I’m in love” syndrome. “I’m in love” often means, “I’m in lust.” Attraction is there, but have you carefully checked out this person’s character? Here are four character traits to definitely check for: Humility: Does this person believe that “doing the right thing” is more important than personal comfort? Kindness: Does this person enjoy giving pleasure to other people? How does he or she treat people he or she doesn’t have to be nice to? Does he or she do volunteer work? Give charity? Responsibility: Can I depend on this person to do what he or she says he or she is going to do? Happiness: Does this person like himself? Does he or she enjoy life? Is he or she emotionally stable? Ask yourself: Do I want to be more like this person? Would I like my child to turn out like him or her?
. You pick the wrong person because the man does not understand what a woman needs most. Men and women have unique emotional needs, and more often than not, it is the man who just doesn’t “get it.” Jewish tradition places the onus on the man to understand the emotional needs of a woman and to satisfy them. The unique need of a woman is to be loved – to feel that she is the most important person in her husband’s life. The husband needs to give her consistent, quality attention. Men are goal-oriented, especially when it comes to this area. As a wise woman once pointed out, “Men have two speeds: on and off”. Women are experience-oriented, he will discover what makes his wife very happy. When the man forgets about his own needs and focuses on giving his wife pleasure, amazing things happen. 4. You choose the wrong person because you do not share a common life goals and priorities. There are three basic ways we connect with another person: . Chemistry and compatibility 2. Share common interests . Share common life goal. Make sure you share the deeper level of connection that sharing life goals provide. After marriage, the two of you will either grow together or grow apart. To avoid growing apart, you must figure out what you’re “living for,” while you’re single – and then find someone who has come to the same conclusion as you. This is the true definition of a “soul mate.” A soul mate is a goal mate – two people who ultimately share the priorities, values and goals.
5. You choose the wrong person because you get involved sexually too quickly. Sexual involvement before the commitment of marriage can be a big problem because it often precludes a fully honest exploration of important issues. Sexual involvement tends to cloud one’s mind. And a clouded mind is not inclined to make good decisions. It is not necessary to take a “test drive” in order to find out if a couple is sexually compatible. If you do your homework and make sure you are intellectually and emotionally compatible, you don’t have to worry about sexual incompatibility. Of all the studies done on divorce, sexual incompatibility is never cited as a main reason why people divorce. 6. You pick the wrong person because you do not have a deeper emotional connection with this person. To evaluate whether you have a deeper emotional connection or not, ask: “Do I respect and admire this person?” This does not mean, “Am I impressed by this person?” We are impressed by a Mercedes. We do not respect someone because they own a Mercedes. You should be impressed by qualities of creativity, loyalty, determination, etc. Also ask: “Do I trust this person?” This also means, “Is he/she emotionally stable? Do I feel I can rely on him/her?”
7. You pick the wrong person because you choose someone with whom you don’t feel emotionally safe. Ask yourself the following questions: Do I feel calm, peaceful and relaxed with this person? Can I fully be myself and express myself with this person? Does this person make me feel good about myself? Do you have a really close friend who does make you feel this way? Make sure the person you marry makes you feel the same way! “…Do I want to be more like this person? Would I like my child to turn out like him or her?…” Are you afraid of this person in any way? You should not feel you need to monitor what you say because you are afraid of how the other person will view it. If you’re afraid to express your feelings and opinions openly, there’s a problem with the relationship. Another aspect of feeling safe is that you don’t feel the other person is trying to control you. Controlling behaviours are a sign of an abusive person. Be on the look out for someone who is always trying to change you. There is a big difference between “controlling” and “making suggestions.” A suggestion is made for your benefit; control statement for their benefit.
8 You pick the wrong person because you don’t put everything on the table. Anything that bothers you about the relationship must be brought up for discussion. Bringing up the uncomfortable stuff is the only way to evaluate how well the two of you communicate, negotiate and work together. Over the course of a lifetime, difficulties will inevitably arise. You need to know now, before making a commitment: Can you resolve your differences and find compromises that work for both of you? Never be afraid to let the person know what bothers you. This is also a way for you to test how vulnerable you can be with this person. If you can’t be vulnerable, they you can’t be intimate. The two go hand in hand.
9. You pick the wrong person because you use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness. If you are unhappy and single, you’ll probably be unhappy and married, too. Marriage does not fix personal, psychological and emotional problems. If anything, marriage will exacerbate them. If you are not happy with yourself and your life, take responsibility to fix it now while you are single. You’ll feel better, and your future spouse will thank you.
. You pick the wrong person because he/she is involved in a triangle. To be “triangulated” means a person is emotionally dependent on someone or something else while trying to develop another relationship. A person who hasn’t separated from his or her parents is the classic example of triangulation. People can also be triangulated with things as well, such as work, drugs, Internet, hobbies, sports or money. Be careful that you and your partner are free of triangles. The person caught in the triangle cannot be fully emotionally available to you. You will not be their number one priority. And that’s no basis for a marriage.
Finally, Now My Advice! Before you go into marriage relationship, consult God first. He is the architect – the originator of marriage – (Read Gen. 2:8-25). Pray that God will direct you to the right person suitable for you. Then go out and carefully look for your second-half as you apply the principles contained in this book – Part I and Part II. May God help you! Bro. One Way
PART THREE QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS (Note: Names contained in this Section are purely fictitious)
. Abigail: Dear Sir, I have been married for seven years but the problem with my husband is that he is no longer interested in me; you understand what I mean? He is going out with other women. Now, I have decided to be looking outside for my own pleasure also – that is one-one. Is this not justified?
Answer: No! It is not justified. Sex outside marriage is wrong. I understand your predicament, but you should take heart! Pray for him and try to win his love back by all means. With God all things are possible.
2. Ade: I am married to an Ibo girl, but the problem is that every December, she always tries to travel to their home town in Imo State to celebrate the Christmas. She rarely goes to my home town. Even though we are living in harmony, but I hate this aspect of her behaviour, what do I do?
Answer: That behaviour is wrong. You should use wisdom to talk to her to change. If she refuses, you can invite her parents and discuss this matter with them. That is why it is always advised to marry a person of same origin and culture. Even in the Bible, Abraham instructed his servant to get a wife for his son Isaac from their kindred. (See Gen. 24:-4).
. Emma: At last, I have discovered that I am marrying “The wrong person” and I think I can call it quits… Eeh?
Answer: No, don’t! Marriage is for life. Even though you may have made the mistake, don’t call it quits. With a positive attitude, we can still live happily with our mistakes. God frowns at divorce. It is wrong to sack your wife and marry another. (Read Mt. 5:2).
Funke: This guy coming for me is my ideal man, but he is not into money… I mean! But the other guy has the cash – he messes me up with money, but I don’t think I love him for a relationship. Please advice me on what to do.
Answer: True love should be the bedrock of every marriage. You should marry the person you love. He may not be in money now, but the situation can change for the better tomorrow. If you marry the other person just because of his money, you will regret at last.
5. Adamu: Two girls are before me right now, and I’m confused as the one to choose. I consulted a pastor friend of mine and he prayed and told me the one to marry, but I’m still confused.
Answer: Do not be confused! Make a choice. Out of the two, there must be one that you are very-very at home with. Go for that! No one should choose for you; call him Pastor or whoever, no one should choose for you.
6. Vivian: I am beautiful, intelligent and I am of age and yet no one is coming for me. Why?
Answer: Your right man is coming. Wait patiently. Be praying and looking upon God. And in addition, watch your character! Are you sure you are not scaring men away? Again, watch your dressing! Are you sure men don’t look at you as a harlot?
Mike: I have chosen whom to marry but my parents don’t see with me. Should I neglect them and go ahead… Afterall…?
Answer: No! Don’t neglect them. You need their support and blessing. Try to look into their reason(s) for saying no. If it is not reasonable enough, try to plead with them to see with you. Pray about it. With time, they will allow you. If their reasons are reasonable and Godly, please, for God’s sake, obey them!
8. Esther: People are rushing for me but I want to finish my education. What do you think I should do?
Answer: This is a very sensitive question. But first, are you of age? If yes, go into marriage, and continue your education after that? Learning is a continuous process. But if you are still very young, you should forget about marriage for now and face your education. If any of your suitors can wait for you, let him wait!
9. Ben: I am now 4 and I really want to get married as soon as possible but my problem is that I am finding it difficult to see a girl who meets “all” the requirements of my ideal girl. Infact I am tired.
Answer: Let me ask you, Ben, are you sure you are an “ideal man”? In marriage, there is nothing like “ideal person”. No one is perfect. You should learn to bear with other people’s imperfections. I think, if a person’s good qualities supercede his/her bag qualities – that person should be considered for marriage.
. Ete: Who is a beautiful woman?
Answer: I don’t know! Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. One man’s meat is another man’s poison.
. Samson: What is the ideal age for marriage?
Answer: There is no rule on this matter because some people mature much earlier enough than others. But let me suggest: Girls – from 9 years up. And men – from 28 years up.
PART FOUR WAYS TO WIN YOUR SPOUSE’S HEART These thoughts (Love Games) are most lovable things you can say/do to blossom your relationship. They were pooled together from different individuals over the Internet in a survey by a marriage expert. People were requested to suggest for a wonderful low-cost ways to keep love and romance alive in our most precious relationships. People responded with the following ideas:
“So, here we go! according to Dr. Humbert, he wrote: “First observation: cards and love notes, flowers and candy, any kind of message seem to be universal! Almost everyone suggested at least one of these! You can’t go wrong sending your honey a card, bringing flowers or giving him/her a backrub! We have included a few of the more interesting variations in our list but these showed up over and over… It’s as simple as – 2 – folks!”
Special Thanks: To Dr. Philip Humbert, Ph.D from whose assistance this dream became a reality. Happy Reading!
. I think the most loving thing one person can do for another is to write a love letter. Nothing beats an honest-to-God love letter in the mailbox to make a lasting impression. Even couples who have lived together for years can indulge in love-letter writing and reading. Start with some pretty stationery or a pretty card, then carefully choose the words that best express your feelings. Not sure where to begin? How about, “I remember the day we met…”
2. Taking a bath together and washing each other’s hair. Slowly for a long time.
. Plan a day to do just what he or she likes to do. If he loves sports and you hate them, buy him tickets to see his favourite team, then go along to cheer them on to victory. If she loves shopping and you avoid malls like the plague, take her out for a day of shopping at her favourite store. The idea is to do something your partner enjoys – and enjoy it with them!
4. Buy one or more small gifts for your beloved. Hide them where they’ll be sure to surprise; in a coat pocket, the glove compartment of the car, under a pillow.
5. Have a picnic in your yard or the local park, or, if it’s cold outside, spread a blanket on your living room floor. Indulge in all the goodies you might normally avoid: good wine, expensive cheese, bread from the bakery, fine chocolates – whatever pleases your palate.
6. Borrow your kids’ bubbles and let the wind take them away, along with your cares.
7. Make a memory book for your beloved. Buy photo album, and fill it with pictures from your times together. Include mementos if you like, such as ticket stubs, a postcard from a favourite vacation, matches from the restaurant where you went on your first date. Just starting your romance together? Take a snapshot of the two of you, and tell your loved one there’s plenty of room for souvenirs of future adventures together.
8. Plan a surprise getaway. Tell your beloved that you’re treating the two of you to a special getaway weekend. Choose a place that suits your loved one – maybe a bed and breakfast tucked in the woods or a four-star hotel in a big city. You will have to give him or her pointers about what clothes to pack, but otherwise, your destination should remain a mystery until your arrival.
9. If you are leaving for a couple of days, make little notes and place them around the house: On the pillow where your significant other will place their head to sleep, or in the refrigerator (attached to their favourite drink), or on the towel they will dry off with. (You can also do this if your significant other travels… put notes in their brief case, their shirt or pant pocket, in with their tickets.)
. Greet your significant other at the door, give them a present (a nightie or silk boxers) and then have a candle lit picnic on the living room floor. Serve: peel-n-eat shrimp, cheese, strawberries. Take turns feeding each other…
. When we both arrive home from work, I sit down in a chair, inviting her onto my lap. We sit and hold one another for anywhere from ten seconds to a couple of minutes. We then gradually “let go of” the trivia of the outside day by sharing with one another. Then, with the outside world off our shoulders and out of our minds, with the sensuousness of our physical bodies and the scents of one another we have come to love over the years having stimulated to refocus, we are ready to be home together – in sync and in love.
2. Whoever gets up first, write “I love you” with a marker or in the steam on the bathroom mirror.
. During the night, creep out and tie balloons on the trees in the front garden/the garage/the front door with “…is wonderful!” “You light up my life!” “You… are my dream come true!” and such-like.
4. List reasons why you love the person, and leave it where they’ll find it.
5. Send 2 “I love you” or friendship cards to the beloved, and get friends to do it too, for no special occasion! It’s a special treat to go the mailbox and find 2 cards all affirming your lover’s special qualities!
6. Arrange for friends (and strangers!) to spontaneously ring (call) your loved one and say, “He/she wants you to know she/he really thinks you are something special and loves you very much.” (It will amuse those your friends and brighten their days too! And yes, strangers will play the game if you ask them right!)
7. The First Time. Approach each day as if it is the day that you and your spouse are together for the first time. Be spontaneous. Rush to greet them at the door after a long day and give them a big hug and kiss. Turn off the TV and ask them about their day. Sometimes the most romantic thing a person can do is give their partner their full undivided attention and be a great listener!
8. Create a loving home. Keep it tidy, warm, cozy and full of fun. Cozy furniture and soft pillows and throws invite opportunities to snuggle up together. Creating a mood in your home that is relaxing and fun is often an invitation to romance.
9. The Kiss. Remember what it was like when you were anticipating the first kiss from your lover? Next time your partner reaches to kiss you, gently hold them back with your hand while looking into their eyes. Don’t say anything, rather look deep into their eyes as they gaze back at you. Move closer to them and with one finger, trace the shape of their face, around the eyes, nose and then slowly over their lips and down to their chin. Bring their face close to yours, slowly bring your lips to theirs, softly kissing only the upper lip, then the lower, bring your arms around them, slowly let the kiss grow, lips parting, until both of you are washed away with passion. When the kiss stops, remain in their embrace and look deeply into their eyes again before ending the embrace. It doesn’t matter if you have been married twenty years, when you take the time to really kiss your partner, the response is always the same.
2. Take Turns. Make the time to plan activities and take turns doing each other’s favourite things. It’s a given that you won’t enjoy everything that your partner likes to do, but if you go with a positive attitude, you will probably end up enjoying yourself. If for no other reason, go for the fact that your partner loves this activity and enjoy watching them during the day, how much fun they have. Next time, you will get the same patience and excitement from them on your turn.
2. Romantic Things to Say. I love you more today than I did yesterday, but only half as much as I will tomorrow or, You complete me. Don’t forget funny sayings either, nothing is more romantic than you and your partner laughing together, sharing a funny story or memory. Romance is living, laughing and loving together.
22. Leave early from work, take the children to the grandparents for the evening. Then return home and tidy up everything so that she/he walks into a clean house. Greet him/her at the door with a smile and a kiss, have their favourite take out meal already delivered and placed on the table with nice china and fresh flowers. To really surprise them, don’t do this on a special occasion like an anniversary, rather let the occasion be that you love them and were thinking of them.
2. Take your significant other out for an ice cream cone.
24. Forget the chores and take a day trip to a nearby state park, lake, etc. Have a picnic, hold hands, relax together.
25. Take out a newspaper ad in the “Lost and Found” section. Have your ad state “I’ve lost my heart to you”. Have a florist deliver a rose and a newspaper with a note what page to turn to and have it delivered to his/her desk!
26. This one is a little on the edge… If your significant other travels, greet them at the airport with a very special surprise! The reaction is incredible and the excitement for both of you is unbelievable! I’ve welcomed my husband in nothing but a “teddie/nightie” under my coat and it’s my husband’s favourite. Or, greet her wearing a tux, carrying flowers, and have a limo drive you home!
27. You both get in the car… and you provide directions… turn left, turn right… Take them to a favourite restaurant for lunch or dinner and have flowers or wine delivered to the table with directions to your next destination, and then continue the mystery journey! If you have time, ending up at a bed and breakfast for a night of candle lit romance is extra special! They will be thrilled that you went to that extreme for your relationship.
28. I think this is my number one… remember each day to tell your significant other “I LOVE YOU”. There is nothing sweeter or more romantic than hearing those words.
29. Slow dancing in the living room to candle light.
. A picnic is an unusual place (office floor, roof of a building, car hood downtown, etc).
. Your favourite romantic song left on your voice mail at the office.
2. Almost anything handmade as a gift – for no reason. (handmade card, scrapbook, picture frame, when you least expect it).
. Show respect and appreciation for your lover’s family, especially his/her mother. You may not get along on everything, but remember, you all love the same person!
4. Call him/her almost everyday, just to say something nice or thoughtful or loving.
5. Take a bath together. Triple the amount of skin softener or bubble bath that you normally use. Don’t forget the candles around the tub.
6. Get a big golf umbrella and go for a walk in the rain or the snow. Walk in the park, or some place where you can enjoy the power and wonder of nature. Then go for a lovely hot chocolate. Enjoy some music and the warmth.
7. Get some croissants, fresh fruit, and a special coffee and read the Sunday paper together.
8. Go on a Ferris wheel together at night. If really lucky, time it when the fireworks are exploding.
9. Spend half an hour just looking at each other’s eyes, never talking. Just enjoy a moment with each other.
4. Plan a picnic at night in your favourite park. Pack a basket with real china, crystal candle holders, tall candle sticks and fine silver. Prepare his/her favourite meal and don’t forget the blankets (this works well in AZ even in the fall – trust me). A nice bottle of sparkling apple cider is a nice touch.
4. Listen carefully to the small things that they mention in passing that are needed and make sure they suddenly appear. (For example, “I really need a garlic press”). The gift is really that you are listening.
42. Take a ride to lovers’ lane and PARK!!!!!
4. Light several fragrant candles, turn on some quiet music and take turns giving a sensual foot, body, scalp massage.
44. Make a date with your spouse to meet at a public place for lunch/dinner. When your spouse is seated ask several people to deliver a single flower and a special love not to your honey. You deliver the last flower with a big hug and “I LOVE YOU.”
45. Find a quaint inn/bed and breakfast where you can have a cup of tea/coffee and enjoy conversation next to roaring fire. Retire to a room for the evening and enjoy a second honeymoon.
46. Instead of buying a card, visit the local craft store and purchase the materials to make your very own greeting card. Write a special poem or tell your special person why they are special. Add a picture of the two of you together.
47. Create several coupons redeemable for friendly favours when your sweetie just needs some attention. For example, a foot massage, a bubble bath with (or without) company, a quiet dinner, help with the chores, etc… Make sure they don’t include an expiration date.
48. Purple Roses are rare – so is the love behind them.
49. A love letter that includes some poems and maybe a picture of the two of you and description of a wonderful run away holiday.
5. Carry him or her up in your arms (if you can) and dance around for a few seconds, then drop him or her and say; “I love you!”
5. Take a midnight stroll somewhere near a place with a clock tower. Then kiss through all 2 strokes at midnight. (This also works at home if you have a clock that strikes the hour!)
52. If she is wearing a dress with lots of buttons, or using the buttons on his shirt (don’t forget the buttons on his cuffs!) when you undress them, one button at a time, exchange a kiss between every button.
5. Take the afternoon off, go out in the woods or a field and pick wild flowers together.
54. I have frequently just left one flower on a bed pillow or occasional left a trail of flowers leading to the bed!
55. Play with her in the car; go to your nearest lover’s lane and do it! Trust me, it NEVER gets old!
56. Compliment each other. We all need to hear that we are appreciated and loved. There isn’t a man or woman alive that doesn’t like to hear “Wow, you look fantastic!”
57. Tell them you love them with flowers, even if they’re from the supermarket.
58. Pick up your lover’s favourite food and take it to them. It could be licorice, or whatever.
59. Send them a postcard whenever you’re out of town. And say “I love you” on it.
6. The most romantic thing? When you’re with them, be really with them, no distractions.
6. Share your toys.
62. Take each other on a date at least once a week.
6. Have adventures! Go and do and see and try daring things! Often!
64. Conserve water, shower together.
65. Kiss each other often, especially when you greet or part from each other, and hold every kiss for at least seconds.
66. An unexpected phone call in the middle of the day! And if you get their voice mail, leave an extra funny or special message!
67. Cook a romantic dinner and have a friend come over to wait on the two of you.
68. Sending love notes, cards, letters and cute or funny trinkets. This is especially fun if you can have them delivered to their office, or while they are travelling, or at any special time that will make them smile and think good thoughts!
69. A hot oil massage for your loved one when they come home from work! Play some soothing music and make sure you do this by candlelight.
7. Trace “I love you” on your lover’s back with your index finger.
7. Painting hearts on each others’ necks or other body parts with chocolate or honey or whipped cream, and licking it off!
72. Drive out to the country, with your favourite music – with no destination in mind – just a drive, a picnic, or finding a nice place to eat. As a passenger (you can switch going and coming) nothing is so stress-free as to lie back in the passenger’s seat and watch the clouds and the sun go by, watch the sunset and watch the moon come out! This is great way to get together quietly, let the stresses vanish, and the beauty of nature fill you.
7. Tickets to a small town theatre production. Not expensive tickets – but some of the best performances available – with a reasonable dinner before the theatre in the small town restaurant. A wonderful get away.
74. We all like surprises – nothing is better than kidnapping of your spouse – just make them aware to be available for a certain weekend – you are kidnapping them and the choice is yours – where you will drive to and the picnic you have packed and ready in the trunk – have a place booked at a hotel – whatever your budget – take bubble bath, massage lotion, a different night gown that you “normally” wear – and treat the spouse like a “king” or “queen” – the planning is all done by you – they don’t have to think and arrange – you have done it all – have a picnic in your hotel room, with music – and this weekend away will revitalize your partnership.
75. Second most romantic thing a man can say to a woman: “Honey, I’ll do the dishes tonight.” MOST romantic thing: “From now on, dinner dishes are my responsibility!”
76. My most romantic tip: pay a positive compliment that comes from your heart. A compliment speaks volumes and leaves a wonderful sound in the recipients ears that brings a smile to the lips and a warm glow to the soul.
77. Hot air Balloon Ride.
78. Returning to the site of your First Date.
79. Find an article titled something like “What Women Really Want From Men,” or “What Men Really Want From Women” – in Cosmo, Playboy, Playboy, Glamour (This one article appears in one form or another nearly every month, somewhere in some magazine). Circle parts of the article you agree with; write comments in the margins. Mail it to your partner.
8. Drive along the coast in a convertible to a beachside café.
8. Love notes left on the windshield, taped to the bathroom mirror, or delivered in the office mail. We have hidden notes for each other in brief cases, coat pockets, on voice mails and had them included in welcome packets when one of us is travelling and staying in a hotel. It’s become a wonderful “competition”!
82. Having a date to meet and walk and talk in a beautiful setting. We often visit an art gallery, or the beautiful flower gardens and arboretums in various cities when we travel.
8. Leave a surprise handwritten note (e.g., on the computer or in a daytimer) describing what you most love about her/him.
84. Come home early and make her/his favourite meal.
85. Bring coffee to him/her in bed as an affectionate wake-up gesture.
86. Tell him/her you are so glad you are both together as your goodnight “kiss”. Take a moment, look them in the eyes and hold hands, and let them know you really mean it!
87. Call at work and say you were thinking about how wonderful he/she is.
88. Agree to meet at a party, club or public place and each of your role-play someone other than yourselves. “Meet” for the first time and flirt! Make up an outrageous story – be a movie producer, a spy, politician or wealthy jet-setter! We almost always succeed in seducing each other this way!
89. Test drive a Porshe!
9. Tell the other that there is a surprise for her/him. Then drop hints about what the surprise is. Some of these hints may be false or true. “Torment” the person for a few days. If the surprise is a trip/place, blindfold the person during the journey.
9. Sing his/her favourite song, whether he/she is happy or sad.
92. He brings me wildflower bouquets… and what pulls my heartstrings even more, he plucks wildflowers and will hook them in the collars of our dogs so that they have their own corsages.
9. In a restaurant, we sit on the same side in a booth.
94. While I was out one evening, my husband turned down our bed, propped a beautiful card on the fluffed up pillows, scattered rose petals on the sheets and floor leading to a warm bath filled with floating candles. When I returned home and walked into our bedroom, I was so touched I couldn’t help but cry.
95. Send the children out for the evening and plan a little stargazing picnic in the backyard (use sleeping blankets this time of year) with you for dessert. Works every time.
96. Make the time to give a massage with your partner’s choice of oils or powder. Massage all of the body, especially include the face, head, feet, etc. Take as much time as is needed. Be sure the phone is off the hook and that you will not be disturbed.
97. Tell the children (in front of me) what a good parent I am.
98. Hold my hand when we walk down the street.
99. Go skinny dipping: In the ocean, in a pond or lake, in your pool, in the neighbour’s pool!
. Get a small cassette recorder and record your spouse’s voice. Then after some days, play it back to him or her. But before you do, say something like this: “Now, listen to the voice of the most important person in my life…” Your spouse will never forget that day.
. And finally, let’s remember to be “inclusive” in our loving and affection – romance shouldn’t be just for lovers! We all need to feel we matter, are loved, respected and cared about. Leave little unexpected tokens of love for EVERYONE! Give joy to old people (they especially need hugs and to feel listened to). Give your time and affection to children, single people, friends, and even strangers. We all need love, hugs, affection and romance! (Even our pets respond more lovingly to a bit of fuss and attention!) We all need it, and those of us who have “no attachments” or anyone “special” in their lives perhaps need it more than most.
PART FIVE QUOTES ON LOVE
“True love is like yoghourt – both sweet and sour” – One Way
“If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don’t, they never were” – Anon
“In love, the paradox occurs that two beings become one and yet remain two” – Erich Fromm
“Immature love says ‘I love you because I need you’. Mature love says ‘I need you because I love you’”. – Erich Fromm
“Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so” – David Grayson
“No prize is too big to maintain love. Life without love is lifeless” – Pius E. Achonu
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, loving someone deeply gives you courage” – Lao Tzu
“Treasure the love you receive above all. It will survive long after your good health has vanished” – Og Mandino
“Tell me one who admires you and loves you, and I will tell you who you are” – Charles Augustin
“If you judge people, you have no time to love them” – Mother Theresa
For more “hot” quotes on love, get my book: The Pepper-Soup of Love – One Way
Note: Send your other questions to me by e-mail at: achonu57@yahoo.com, Cell phone: (24) 88767445 You may win a prize! You may visit my blog for other stuffs: http://pius4tina.blogspot.com
Related Articles – marriage without regrets, spouse, marriage, marry, relationship, choosing the suitable person,
[adsense]